[ghostbusters]

Lilp, or anyone else, please, please, please may i have a spare few mintues of your time for a reading?
i found out some news today that could possibly affect my whole family and our closest friends. the first thing i thought of was you, lilp.

if you have time, your insight would be very much appreciated...





thank you so so much.

[lilpeanut]

Lilp, or anyone else, please, please, please may i have a spare few mintues of your time for a reading?
i found out some news today that could possibly affect my whole family and our closest friends. the first thing i thought of was you, lilp.

if you have time, your insight would be very much appreciated...





thank you so so much.

Sure sweetie anything for you. Whats up?

[asylum_souljah]

Yep GB hun - whats up?

[ghostbusters]

dad told me last night that mum is taking him to court for custody of my two younger sisters.
i dont know how this will all turn out coz mum is back on antidepressants, but wants the girls week on week off with dad. dad doesnt want that and offered mum the girls from thurs night to mon morning. mum obviously said no, coz now she is taking him to court.
my poor sisters are getting their own lawyer and they might have to say what they think.
and, my boyfriends mum (julie) who is also my mums good friend and still friends with dad keeps changing her story on what shes been told by each of my parents so she doesnt upset them.
as you know lilp, i dont get on with my mum that well, but i still dont want to hurt her and say the girls are better at dads...
she will hate me for the things id have to say about her.

its such a big mess... and i have my first university exams soon...

*sigh*

[asylum_souljah]

Oh sorry to hear that girl. You have a good head on your shoulders and although it might hurt your mums feelings you have to be honest for the sake of your sisters.

If Mum is being medicated again she is obviously struggling and needs the help, no doubt she still needs contact with you and your sisters - and perhaps it can increase later as she improves.

Only you know how this is affecting your family unit as it stands - honesty is always the best policy.

[ghostbusters]

yeah, you are right. i do have to be honest. and thats the bit im worried about.

mum will hate me. well at least i think she will.
and julie is going to have to either lie and hurt one of my parents or say the truth and hurt one of my parents. shes a people pleaser and has gotten herself into this mess by telling each one of my parents different things. but its the aftermath of it all that scares me.

dad said that he will do everything he can to make me and my sisters not have to make a choice, but he wont back down either.
the girls go to mum every second weekend and each by themselves on a wed night.
we lived with mum for 6 or 7 years altogether (i mean, 6 or 7yrs after my youngest sister was born, and my whole life before that) but now that its dads turn, mum wants them back.

i already have a "broken" family, but i dont want it to get any worse by the things i may have to say and the things julie may have to say. and my sisters.

dont get me wrong, mum is usually a good mum. its just me that she doesnt get on with and i seriously think she needs help, more than antidepressants, but i cant tell her that because she doesnt know that i know that she is on them.

its so hard.

[asylum_souljah]

I feel for you - but dont worry about your parents friend Julie - she has made her own bed and needs to be honest or has no choice hurting one or the other.

My own opinion in this is that week-around is hard for kids, its a lot of movement and disruption and they miss out on things that might be happening in the alternative weeks they are with one parent or the other. I know there's no shared custody agreement that is actually 'easy' on anyone, and in some respects I consider myself very lucky to be raised by a single mother with a father who had no interest in us.

You're an adult now so your relationship with your mother is on that level, and you're a good person. I dont think your mother will hate you, she wont be happy if she doesnt agree with your opinons but she will have to learn to deal with it or go without. Thats how the real adult world works. Even as adults we all have disagreements with our parents and we learn to get past them, on both sides.

I think ultimately your younger siblings might need to make some choices here, unless your mum and dad can agree to make it easier on them. Have you sat down and asked the kids what they really want? Maybe you can take a role of just supporting the younger ones in what they really want from all this?

[ghostbusters]

ive been thinking about talking to my sisters by themselves about it. Kaitlin (12) is a mummy's girl i think, and im not sure that she can keep what we talk about to herself.
she is going through the "i dont like my stepmum" stage. i went through it, and there are certain things that i still think that she could improve on, but it gets amplified by mum saying bad things about dad and our stepmum. on saying that, kaitlin wouldnt want to upset dad either.
Paige (10) is kinda the same, except shes definitely mum's favourite, but Paige is more balanced between liking mums and dads house the same i think.
me? i cant help but feel down and angry when i go to mums. i do feel bad about it, but its like a natural thing now, its like as soon as step inside her door i just feel yuck and mean and sad and mad and angry. i try to be nice, and it works most of the time.
ive grown to dislike mum a bit though. she doesnt do the same things to kaitlin and page as she did to me.

the only thing with julie, is that shes is my boyfriends mum. we've been together for 4 yrs, but his family and my family have been friends since i was 5. so he knows everything thats happened. i think im worried that his family might have some issues with this too based on what julie will say. coz julie is much more close to mum than dad, but she says bad stuff about mum too.

maybe i should run away

i

[lilpeanut]

I am so sorry, before i read any of this i said "DAD" and I saw a ring with him. Im so sorry if this is not what you wanted. A J name. and it is very important.\
She means well. MOM cant do

Love
lilp

[ghostbusters]

lilp,

sorry, im a bit confused. "mum cant do" im not sure i know what you mean..
also the bit about not what i wanted.
i dont understand?

[Tin Foil Princess]

Your sisters are old enough to make a choice - also it sounds like your Dad is more stable at this time. Is this
all due to the MONEY factor ? The kids need to not flip flop , in the summer it is OK . The 50/50 thing in my
opinion is not good for them.

I started the week with me and week with Dad , and it is much better now - Every-other weekend . Sam is
doing better in school , plus the living , eating , sleeping schedule is the same ( home work ) etc...

Lilp said the ring around Dad , maybe he is the one to keep them.

[ghostbusters]

see, i think that if mum was in a better mental state then she should have my sisters more.

its not fair to ask my sisters to choose, they would feel like they were hurting one parent if they said they were in favour of living with the other.

i think that dad should have them, and mum should take up the offer that dad proposed in the first place which is every second week, mum gets the girls from thurs after school to mon before school. in the summer they usually stay at mums for 2 weeks in a row or something like that. and each other holidays its half and half too.

dad thinks the same, that the girls rountines would be disrupted by the weekabout thing.

mums laywers apparently have a "good case" but they will always say that wont they?

mums lawyers want to talk to my sisters, so hopefuly they dont try to manipulate them.

the money thing: mum has always been jealous of dads money. but the thing is, is that she lives by herself and has a goodstable job so why should she "have no money" like she always tells me? the Dior make up tells me something different? coz when we go there on the weekend, mum used to say stuff like "i want to do something without spending money because i dont have any".
but dad on the other hand, hes...well... he doesnt have money issues, lets just leave it at that.
mum even said to the counsellor person that she made dad go to that she realises that she wont be able to provide the same amount of stuff as dad. for example, paige does dancing and netball and kaitlin does singing lessons. and those things arent overly cheap.
i dont want them to miss out.. and i dont think mum wants them to miss out either but if she has no money like she says she doesnt then it would be like dad was providing for two households..

the ring thing was just confusing because he got married to my stepmum only a few months ago, when lilp said ring, i automatically thought marriage. but yeah..

[ghostbusters]

oh and lilp, i do want them with dad.

mum and dad said when we moved in with dad after living with mum that dad was going to have me and my sisters (just them now im at uni) until paige finished intermediate which is junior high for you. the last year before high school.

i want them with dad until mum sorts her crap out.

[lilpeanut]

I totally see them with dad. not mom.the ring. ahhhh that to me is commitment? and that was with dad, not mom. So sweetie i think no matter what happens, in the end they will be with dad.

[lilpeanut]

Oh and what was I thinking. Your dad just getting married, the ring thing. Your mum is a wee bit jealous i think. So now she wants to argue or fight over the girls for the sake of something to argue about with him? No matter what happens they will stay with dad.

Every one loves you and your sisters and this is going to be over soon. I am so sorry this has to happen. If everything has been good up until now I doubt any changes will be made especially if nothing major has happened.

Lilp

[ghostbusters]

ok thank you.

its so hard. mum doesnt even know that i know about any of it. she doesnt even know that i know that she is on antidepressants.
i have exams on two weeks and its so hard to concentrate while this is going on.

thank you so much for your time lilp.

[asylum_souljah]

Try to concentrate on your exams hun - and good luck - thats all you need to be worrying about.

Im sure Lil is right, everyone loves all of you and it will get sorted soon :)

[ghostbusters]

thanks very much